Asian: Why Adult Asians are Still Single (20s/ 30s)

The Alphabet Issues is a series of articles discussing issues that is inspired from one word, and will be published alphabetically (A, B, C, etc) on MichxWanderlust. Some lesser-used alphabets (X, Z) will be skipped due to a lack of word usage/ inspiration from any words beginning with that alphabet. 

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Every time there is an Asian family gathering, someone (usually older, in their 50s and above) will always, ALWAYS, inevitably ask these questions to the younger crowd who are in their 20s and 30s. 

"How old are you?"

"2/3x years old already?"

"Isn't it time to find a boyfriend/ girlfriend?"

"Isn't it time for you to get married soon?"  

"Don't you know so-and-so already had 2 children at your age?"

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"Please make people leave me alone. Ohm." 

Of course, there are REAL underlying answers as to why single Asians in their 20s and 30s are still single, but most people (including these nosey relatives) WILL feel offended if you actually gave them those answers.

So you can share this link with them instead, and run away before they feel offended.

In my observation, here's what I feel is the top 6 reasons as to why Asians in their 20s and 30s are still single:

1) Asian Singles Have an Absolute Lack of Privacy

Most Asians in their 20s and 30s are still living at home with their parents, because:

a) societal expectations that children have to LOOK after their parents by being physically there,
b) economically, we can't afford to live outside (and even if we do, "why spend so much money on rent when you've got a perfectly comfortable home to live in?!"), and
c) hello, warped interpretations of filial piety!

As the 7th episode of Queer Eye in the first season (ooooh I love this show *snaps fingers*) said, and I paraphrase:

"IF YOU LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS, YOU ARE NOT GETTING LAID." 


via GIPHY

I'm sure some people are making it work by just bringing along a girlfriend or boyfriend home even though they share a wall with their parents.

Some people just don't care.

Well, honey, you know what? Your parents do, and how do I know?

Well, because your parents GOSSIP about you, and that "shameless hussy" you brought home to stay with you, TO THE EXTENDED FAMILY AND ALL THEIR FRIENDS.

Other singles, they value their privacy so much that they mind.

They mind so much that they would rather be single and just filter out questions about "why are you single?", rather than filter questions about someone that they haven't even made their mind up about yet.

Asian parents, if you want your older Asian children to find companionship and maybe even give you grandbabies, KICK THEM OUT OF THE HOUSE AND LET THEM LIVE THEIR OWN LIVES.

Then, maybe, JUST maybe, your single child will stop being single.

I've listened to and read stories of Asian parents and relatives just being emotionally manipulative when the younger ones (not even in their teens, mind you) want to leave the household to live alone or to with a partner, and it's just so... mind-boggling. Is there any wonder why some Asian singles would rather remain single than to deal with this?

Someone should really do a study on how many people stay single when they live on their own versus how many people stay single when they live with their parents.

2) Asian Singles Are Expected to Spend All Hours with Their Families When Not at Work

Personally, I was SHOCKED when my Caucasian friends told me that they only had dinners once a week with their parents.

SOMETIMES, the parents even cancel the dinner because THEY'VE MADE OTHER PLANS.

Wait, what?

WHAT?

Meanwhile, here's a scenario that some of you might find familiar:

Child (C): "I'm not coming back tonight, I'm going out with friends."
Parent (P): "Huh? Can't you tell me earlier? I already took out the frozen meat and started boiling the soup!"
C: "We just made plans."
P: "Then who is going to eat and drink all the extra meat and soup!"
C: "Just put the leftovers into the fridge, I'll eat and drink tomorrow."
P: "You only know how to go out with friends, never know how to spend time at home, young people nowadays all like this."


via GIPHY

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Young people nowadays have minimal free time to divide between family, friends, self, work, and very VERY little on the act of dating, but you also expect them to get married?

I mean...

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3) Asian Singles Have No Money to Date

Dating is expensive.

From getting yourself ready to impress, to sitting through the actual date, and to hopefully like the person enough to get a second date, it is all relatively expensive.

It's not like you can invite any random person to your home for a homecooked meal and Netflix cheap date, since you're living with your parents too.

Oh, and if you are a "good" Asian child, you're probably forking out like half of your salary to contribute to the household as well - especially if you aren't in a lucrative industry, aka most of us.

WHAT MONEY IS LEFT TO DEDICATE TO THE PURSUIT OF ROMANCE AND SELF-IMPROVEMENT TO IMPROVE ONE'S CHANCES OF ATTAINING ROMANCE? 

None.

The end.

Privacy, time, and money are required to go out on dates. Families, if you will not give your Asian singles the privacy to see who they want to see without having to tell you about it, if you will demand more time from your children to spend with the family, and if your Asian singles feel a pressure to spend a huge chunk of their salaries on household commitments and they do, MAYBE try not to trigger their resentment by also asking questions about their love lives. They're pretty much already sacrificing a lot!

4) Asian Singles Don't Know How to Flirt 

Family issues getting in the way of dating aside, there's also the issue of Asian singles and their flirting skills... well.

For example, like... why is insulting people considered flirting?

I don't mean good-natured flirting, it's just... weird commentary.

I've seen a man comment on a woman's cute selfie pinching her cheek, saying that she's so chubby it'll be hard for her to find love (her caption was something about her having flab or something).

Why? Why is this comment even necessary?

IS THIS FLIRTING? IS THIS WHAT YOU THINK IS FLIRTING?

Listen, the arrogant, insulting way of "flirting" to get in a relationship only works if you live in a Korean drama. Also, you have to be the good-looking CEO or director of some high-ranking company to pull that off. Otherwise... just give compliments normally, please?

PLEASE?



via GIPHY

5) Asian Singles Don't Make the Effort but Expect the Other Party to Do So

Asian singles are often accused of being "picky" and wanting the best of everything, from physical looks to socio-economical backgrounds.

...

Let me make this clear - there's NOTHING wrong with having preferences.

Also, make this clear to yourself - what are YOU doing to earn the love and affection of people who put in the effort to come up on top in the dating game?

If you want someone good-looking, someone rich, someone loyal, someone tall, someone thin, someone *insert your preference here*, what are YOU doing to get the attention of these people, to stand out from all the other people who also want THEIR attention?

If you're not willing to put in the effort, but you want someone who does, the likelihood of you getting that person is Z-E-R-O.

Love takes effort to find, and to maintain. 

Work out, dress up, put your best personality forward on dates without letting your past emotional baggage drag you down, and your dating chances will multiply.

6) Maybe... Asian Singles Just Want To Be Single and Are Happy Being Single

Admittedly, this isn't a lot of people. Some people say they want to be single, but then moan about how their exes were bad to them, and how all men/ women are terrible, and how true love doesn't exist...

... and you can feel their frustration about how they don't have something they believe they deserve, which is a fulfilling relationship.

However, there ARE definitely people who are happy being single at the moment and maybe for life, and people (families and friends in particular) should stop shaming them for it or trying to pressure them into something else.

These people may one day find someone, but are also at peace with the idea that they may not find someone. They don't have to hate on anyone else for their romantic loveless state, because they're perfectly happy with themselves, their plants, their pets, and maybe even living it up with other single friends and going on travels together.

If you want love, great! Put in the effort, go out on dates no matter how bad they get, and remind yourself that the goal is to find someone you love and want to spend time with!

If you don't need that, great too! Enjoy being by yourself, and don't generalize negative stereotypes about love, dating, men/ women, and whatnot.

Just don't ask Asian singles why they're still single, or when they're getting a boyfriend/ girlfriend, or when they're getting married, because it's definitely opening up a can of worms.

If you MUST ask, just offer PRACTICAL questions instead, like:

"You're not dating? Do you need 100 dollars to go out on a amazing date? I'll give the 100 dollars to you, go out and have fun."

Then, these questions are acceptable.

(I, too, will accept 100 dollars anytime).


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